This place used to be a llama farm. Not just a couple of llamas for fun, either. Like, a herd or something. I always thought it was a bit odd that when we would come to look at it the owners always had to be here, but the reasoning was that they didn’t want anyone unknown around the llamas. I thought llamas were kind of cute, interesting, and unusual. Not something you see roaming the flatlands of Kansas very often. Llamas are exotic!
When we signed the contract on the house Mr. and Mrs. Roper were great about letting us bring things out. There were some items that were a pain to store (like the big tractor) and they just let us move everything into the north shed. It was at that point that Mr. Roper said that with all of the rain he was having trouble getting in fence posts for the llamas at the new property. Although the farm had been on the market for 18 months (and they had the new place that whole time), they had not started preparing to move in any way. He was concerned that they would not have the llamas removed by the time we closed on the house. It was raining a lot, so a muddy oasis comes to mind.
Since we had moved some things to the farm a couple of weeks before closing I figured that it wasn’t a problem to have a week or so after closing to get it evened out. The Ropers are really nice folks, and out here it pays to be neighborly with the closest folks around.
I learned some things pretty quick:
1. Llamas aren’t cute up close. They have evil devil eyes and mangy fur.
2. Llamas have no sense of personal space. When the walk up to you they don’t stop until they are touching you. It’s weird and upsetting.
3. Llama don’t herd. They have a mind of their own and won’t leave if they don’t want to.
4. Llamas are curious. This might be the reason they chase you. That might also be the devil eyes.
5. Llamas scream. I can only describe it as a demonic laugh. They do it when they see something they don’t like. Apparently they didn’t like me, my machinery, or the dog. Or me.
6. Llamas do spit. Before that they snort a little to bring up a good snot rocket. They are evil.
Not at all attached to the list is the joy of having a new place and still having the previous owner show up everyday to feed the animals that they left behind. It sort of makes you feel like a renter or share-cropper. You see how well share-cropping worked out for the cotton farmers.
Needless to say, one week turned into two which quickly turned into six. Yes, six weeks later we still had llamas and daily visitors to feed them. It was at this point that I shared the following information: If I have to look at these llamas any longer I am going to haul them to the sale barn and BBQ the fat one.
Since they were all named and treated like children, this kind of got the ball rolling. One of the other neighbors kindly brought over her stock trailer to move them and the fun began. I had just had some surgery, so I was unable to help (rats). It was definitely a treat to watch them wrangle them into the trailer and haul them the mile down the road to their new home. With much screaming, pushing, and hitting they were in their trailer and on the way. Of course, they were also covered in masticated corn and snot. I tried not to laugh but cannot attest to my success in that vein.
It did take two loads in the stock trailer. I don’t even remember how many there were. I don’t know what you call a large group of llamas. A school? A gaggle? Let’s just go with an annoyance. So, the annoyance of llamas was gone. I literally did a little dance of joy in spite of the heat and my infirmed condition.
There shall never be an animal of such lineage on this farm again. I still hate them and haven’t been near one in ages. Cows, pigs, chickens - sure, why not? Pack animals designed for other countries? Absolutely not. We’re having beef for dinner…
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